A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.
"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."
"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"
"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"
A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."
"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."
The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."
"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea(*); and you know how I love to fish..."
Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."
"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."
(*)Mouth rot
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A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'
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CHINESE: Me not come to work, me sick
BOSS: when i am sick, i have sex with my wife, try it!
TWO HOURS LATER, THE CHINESE CALLED BACK........."boss it worked! now me better! U got nice wife!
BOSS: U mean u had sex with my wife?
CHINESE: U said i try her,she nice on bed,she move, she cry, she touch everywhere.. Oh!, i sick everyday, i go there!
A guy came to a resturant,now this guy didnt know the name of the chicken but he knew it lays eggs.It was break-fast time and inthe corner there is two grannies enjoying some eegs and bacon.The waitress asked him "sir wat can i get u?" the Gentleman replied cooly " i want thier mother!" pointing at the two grannies inthe corner"WHAT?" asked the waitress."THIER MOTHER !!"replied the man,shouting at the top of his lungs pointing straight at the two poor grannies. I tell you those grannie's eyes almost fell out of thier sockets as they watched mouths agape wondering why this young miserable boy was insulting them like that!!
A guy came to a resturant,now this guy didnt know the name of the chicken but he knew it lays eggs.It was break-fast time and inthe corner there is two grannies enjoying some eegs and bacon.The waitress asked him "sir wat can i get u?" the Gentleman replied cooly " i want thier mother!" pointing at the two grannies inthe corner"WHAT?" asked the waitress."THIER MOTHER !!"replied the man,shouting at the top of his lungs pointing straight at the two poor grannies. I tell you those grannie's eyes almost fell out of thier sockets as they watched mouths agape wondering why this young miserable boy was insulting them like that!!
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A fine, classy young lady was gettin ready........fixing her hair, puttin on some make up, tryin 2c which clothes matched better or made her look presentable or rather appealing. She had a date..................so she wanted 2look her Best..
the boyfriend came after an hour with a car and she ran there whn sh heard the sound of a car packin ih her yard........she smiled (and told herself so he has a ride.....ummmh! im glad, this wiil go just fine...........im gonna have fun!).
she went to c the ride only to notice tht it was a funeral car...........she got mad and asked bt...........bt.........but honey why this car?????...............and the boyfriend answered...........but baby.........people are Dying to be in this car. and without doubt she hopped in and conviced herself tht it was a car just like any other car.....it had wheels.....and properties of normal cars...............but ONLY tht it was a funeral car..........tht was the only damn difference!
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A machine that catches thieves was introduced in America.
it was then taken out 4 a test. in USA 3minutes it caught 500 thieves, in China in 2 minutes it caught 3000,
in South Africa in 1 minute it caught 6000.... then it was brought in Namibia(whk) aka katutura and in 1 minute
the machine was already stolen....
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LUCKY GIRLS
If a girl laughs ,she is merry,
If a boy laughs ,he is mannerless.
If a girl talks ,she is decent,
If a boy talks,he is a chatterbox.
If a girl likes silence ,she is serious,
If a boy likes silence ,he is dull.
If a girl looks at a boy,she glares,
If a boy looks at a girl,he stares.
If a girl wears a unique dress,she is fashionable,
If a boy wears a unique dress ,he is a joker.
If girls walk in a company,they r a group,
If aboys walk in company ,they r a gang.
How lucky girls r!!
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